hate is a strong word, but i'm gonna use it neways

head's gonna splode cause 1ce again hur drama n pathetic scuses are destroyin mah wurld

wow, a year and 5 days

since i last posted. why is that? i could give you a whole list of reasons, each crazier and more fantasical than the last, but what good would that do anybody? here's the real reason: i lost my password. okay, so its not exciting, but i don't really care. i'm in a lot of pain from volleyball. i have 10 (count 'em 10) injuries from the sport, the newest being a twisted ankle from misjudging a step and chasing a ball at the same time--how coordinated of me. NOT. anywho, randomness has ensued in the year that i have not posted. i started another blog somewhere but now i forgot the name of it--oh well.
emotionally all is fine--little to no drama--oh, except for the insy binsy little tiny fact that I HAVE A CRUSH ON MY BEST FRIEND. what's wrong with that you ask? nothing. nothing except that i'm too freakin shy to do anything about it. oh, and the fact that HE'S ALREADY TAKEN BY AN AQUAINTANCE OF MINE. id call her a friend too, but fact is, i don't really care if she's there or not. that might sound mean, but she's rude, crude, larger (in size) than i am and i think he could do a whole lot better than her (i.e. ME for example). and the worse thing is, if i'm not friendly with her, that means i can barely see the guy i like outside of class. so i'd rather suffer through making small chat with her than not being able to see him at all. which is still stupid of me, cause if she's there, i have to see all the cutesy wootsy little sickening couples stuff they do--like kiss-blech. now, i'm not one to usually cringe at PDA, but when he's kissing her right in front of me, you know what that does to me? and even if i had the courage to come out and tell the guy that i like him and give him the chance to consider if he has any feelings for me, that girl would probably go psycho on my ass and try to stab me with some scissors (she's tried that with her first boyfriend--that's how they met). so gad damn this whole situation. everytime i try to put him out of my head, he always invites me over to their housing unit to hang out or party or something--and i can't refuse him. i'm not that strong. i've tried saying 'okay, would i really want to like, kiss him after he's kissed her so many times? its practically like making out with her, which i wouldn't do if you paid me a million bucks.' but he looks at me with that goofy grin of his, and those cute little eyes (bambi's got NOTHIN on this guy) and who am i to say no? and we like all the same stuff. seriously. if there was anyway to make him feel the way about me the way i feel about him, i would do anything to make it happen. alas, i fear i am doomed to wander alone until i die, old and wrinkly. never being kissed, never saying that i've been in a relationship. i'd rather have my heart broken to pieces than to have never given it away. i think i would be able to over come the heartbreak; i'm strong enough--its finding someone who's willing to take me as i am that's the freakin problem.
fuck.
i have a test tomorrow

insert heavy sigh here

*sigh*
yes, its that time of year again. why, oh why, oh sweet baby jesus-why? i really don't have time for anything right now, and yet i'm involved in everything its seems. wisdom circle on thursdays, marine bio on tuesdays, ghost hunters on wednesdays, work saturday through tuesday--no rest for the weary. and somehow i have to find out how to do laundry, homework, labs and classes in between--wtf?? is there no ME time? i need sleep--and i don't get off till 11--its only 7:44. damn. okay-7:45. whatever. i need to get up at 8 tomorrow to go to a class till 8:50, go to another class and take an exam till 9:50, then go to another class till 10:50, then a short break for lunch, and go to a lab from 12:30 to 2ish, plus write a children's book before next tuesday....crap......i'm really thirsty.
....penny arcade rox
as does zox
.......good times
happy birthday angel.....
-ccf

i really can't stand it when people ignore me

and then they go on creating so much freaking drama and they expect me to ignore it. like right now for instance. shut up and leave me alone. yeah, i can see you looking at me out of the corner of my eye. shut the fuck up, okay? just shut the fuck up. who the hell are you to wish you were dead? do you know how many freaking people i've lost because they said that? you don't deserve the ability to wish it if its not true. so shut up and get over yourself

that ledge...

what is it with me and depressing songs?? theres just something so gaddam compelling about them. fuck.

wow, has it really been that long?

no. not that. i wasn't thinking about that at all. get your mind out of the gutter. i need a lot of shit right now. like time. i could really use more time. and initiative. and inspiration. i'm getting up at 6:30 tomorrow in order to finish something that is due at 12:30 the same day. for a class that i hate. but have to take anyways. if i don't, then i don't graduate. damn. i have 32 minutes left on this laptop. double damn. heeheehee....dr. house is funny.

go on, click it, you know you want to....

http://world4.monstersgame.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=47116290